Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Moments of narcissism...

It's funny, I looked around my house today and there is not ONE photo of myself on our walls. Being a photographer I guess I just am always behind the camera. Sure, there are those moments when I take the "monkey arms" self photo, or the mirror photo, I'm going to post  a few... I'm bored this morning and feeling a little narcissistic. ;) 

But I do know that I would LOVE to have someone take my photo one day, a session for me... I'm feeling lost and a little suffocating here lately if you can't tell. I love my family, but there are times when I could run away and not look back. Is that a bad thing? I bet they wouldn't miss me... well someone once told me they would miss me when they were hungry.. lol or, I  said, had no clean clothes. Is this how I want to define myself? NO... I love being a mother, especially a stay at home mom, but there are days I would love to step away just for an afternoon, even a fleeting second and be the woman that I am, that I have become after being married for 11 years and having three kids. But, the scary thing is, what kind of woman is that? Who am I. What defines me? That's the really really sad part, I let these daily tasks define me, I let my husband's hobbies and interests define me. 

"I'm afraid of time and not having enough of it, time to figure out who I'm supposed to be, to find my place in the world" how true is that? 
Here's what I do know about myself, 
I'm passionate, very, I'm a romantic, though as I've gotten older, think that I didn't have enough of the exciting relationships. You know, the kind where you just live in the moment and don't worry about what is going to happen tomorrow or next week and you don't have to have a relationship, just in the "moment. All you feel is the passion and that's all you care about.  I totally think that you have to be in the right place for something like that. I think I wasn't there emotionally as a 22 year old, but I think I'm there now and well, you know, there's not a lot you can do. ;) Sow your wild oats? 
I think I have a good sense of humor, I love to laugh, if you can make me laugh, you're IN! :D 
I'm rather "cheeky" as my best friend would say, I love to tease. My kids don't enjoy it much. Can you tell I need a vacation) 

Enough ramblings from me, here's some shots of narcissistic me. 

1 comment:

Valerie said...

Awe, sweetie. I feel ya. I see a road trip for us come spring!!! (((HUGS HERE)))