Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Why do kids bully?

Normally this is not something that I would speak about, well, use my blog for a sounding board but I am so darn mad and tired of it that I believe that I must. 
My daughters are 7 and a half, are they perfect... far from it. Have I tried to teach them to be kind and compassionate, to love everyone as an equal, to be respectful to your peers and to those that are your elders, to be friends to everyone, etc. etc. YES I have and I do think that I have done a pretty good job. The girls, up until first grade, didn't see "color" and you ALL know what I mean. They still are friends with everyone, they don't pick and choose, yes they have those that they are closer to, but they don't alienate, even when those others are less fortunate, aren't wearing the "name brand" etc. 
As a 7 year old, they know way more than I did when I was seven. WAY MORE... This is not what the bullying is about, but a particular show is popular in our home right now "American Idol" and a certain someone on that show is very popular in this house "Adam" the girls go to school talking about him and little girls, little girls that are the same age as mine say things like "he is gay " and "he is goth" you know what?  My first question to that is "do they know what gay is?" I don't even want to have to explain that to my children at the age of 7, shouldn't have to.. but because some children either read things online or their parents choose to tell them these things, then I have to explain. The goth comment, well that is just ignorant. Again, my question was "do you know what goth is.. or do they?" I don't think so. 
On to the bullying, that was merely to get it off of my chest. :P 
One of the twins is more sensitive than the other, she wears her heart on her sleeve. We had their bday party early this year because every year they get forgotten, I plan their party and because school isn't in session then no one comes or they are busy. So things were good the week of their party. The one twin that is sensitive has a best friend, they have been that way all year long. Talked on the phone, dressed alike, etc. little girl things. The MONDAY after the party two other little girls decided to "take her away" from one of my girls. This is what I was told was said "She is not your friend anymore she is OURS" this friend had given my daughter a bff necklace and one of these "bullies" told her that she should give that necklace to HER because they were her "bff" now and not my daughter. My first thought was that my daughter's friend should stand up and not let them "take her away" but I know how it is. I was put in this situation in school, I think the SAME AGE. I would go to school one day and everything was fine, then the next day my so called friend had gotten EVERYONE mad at me and I would walk around alone on the playground. It breaks my heart to think that my daughter (either one of them ) is dealing with this. I remember not wanting to go to school, etc. Now to call this "bullying" I thought was a stretch until I looked it up. That is EXACTLY what it is. Kids are so mean.. and why? Because we, as adults can't grow up and realize that our children are NOT perfect, they do mean things (I'm sure that mine do as well) and that we shouldn't sit back and "let them work it out" I think we should do something. What... I don't know. I do know that words hurt, you may not see how you've hurt someone, but you have. 
The daughter that is "friendless" right now said to me this morning on our way to "slide into summer" 
"I won't have any friends this week" I said why not? She explained that the two that took her "bff" away are doing "summer idol" together and that they aren't her friends anymore. I was so angry, no one wants their child hurt. Why are some of these children feeling so LOW that they have to make others feel LOWER and you know that is what it is. It's a power thing, you are feeling bad so you lash out at someone who is weaker than you, voila you feel better. Well I say that is BULLSHIT. 
Think about it, say one day you go to work and someone comes up to you and says "boy you look like HELL, where did you get that outfit, out of the attic, is it from the 70's, who did your hair?" That would probably make you feel pretty low wouldn't it? Well it is NO DIFFERENT than what little girls are saying to one another, NO DIFFERENT. 
So parents, please... teach your children well. And I say that we should not dismiss bullies.. not dismiss it as a "girl thing, oh they'll work it out" well it's been three years and it hasn't worked out yet. 

1 comment:

Paula Hickson Photography Blog said...

I agree....parents just DO NOT put enough empahasis on how their children should treat other's sooo very important right from the start to raise your children up to always be kind to others NO MATTER WHAT!If I ever even think that one of my kids is being ugly or hateful to another child, they are stopped in their tracks immediately!! I have 2 sons, Ryan is 10 and Brandon is 5...They are my heart and soul and it breaks my heart when either of them come home with gloomy little faces because some kid has decided to try and turn their friends against them....I mean it's just so hateful and it really ticks me off! I am so sorry that your little one is going thru this!!